


Come Back for a Midnight Confession

by Loser_Angel_666



Category: Supernatural
Genre: 15x20 does not exist here, Angst with a Happy Ending, Domestic Fluff, Episode: s01e19 Good Grief!, Fix-It, Fluff, Human Castiel (Supernatural), I have no clue how else I should tag this, Love Confessions, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-03
Updated: 2020-12-03
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:07:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,395
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27852234
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Loser_Angel_666/pseuds/Loser_Angel_666
Summary: “I’m very real.” Cas says. “Test me.” He offers and Dean does.He does the holy water, the silver, the blood, and Cas doesn’t flinch. He doesn’t burn. He bleeds red and warm and human. Dean looks up at him with wide eyes, and he still thinks maybe he’s not breathing.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 7
Kudos: 135





	Come Back for a Midnight Confession

**Author's Note:**

> some people read a bunch of versions of the same fic... I write a bunch of versions of the same fic (and the I read even more) someone help me :)
> 
> can you tell I'm obsessed with human cas?

As soon as Sam and Dean get back to the car, Miracle safely in the backseat, Sam takes out his phone with shaking hands. He looks at Dean, who nods in reassurance, and Sam quickly scrolls through his speed dial for Eileen.

She picks up on the second ring and Sam lets out a breath of relief. Dean grins, and waits with bated breath as Sam goes down the list, calling everyone they know, making sure, celebrating. Everyone is back.

They did it. Or… Jack did it.

Everyone is back. Dean is grinning. Sam’s smile subdues after he hangs up the phone with Garth. He looks at Dean, who is holding tightly onto his smile.

“You okay?”

“Hell yeah, man. We saved the world.”

“Dean…” Sam says gently, and Dean’s smile is tighter now. He shakes his head and readjusts his hands on the wheel.

“He wanted us to be happy.” Dean nods, convincing himself, “So we’re gonna be happy.”

Sam nods and lets Dean drive the rest of the way in quiet. He knows his brother. He’s seen him grieve, and he’s seen him grieve Cas. He’s not an idiot, he knows this time was different, but he’s not going to push. 

Eileen meets them at the bunker, and Sam envelopes her in a hug immediately, teary eyed and desperate and Dean has to look away forcing any thoughts of Cas from his head. Dean hugs Eileen next, kisses her on the forehead and tells her he’s glad she’s back, then he goes to his room to give Sam some alone time. He doubts they’re going to do much besides talk and hug and cry, but he puts on his music anyway.

Dean keeps the happiness facade for four days. 

He goes on hunts, has game nights with Sam and Eileen, he cooks them dinner. He jokes and laughs and smiles. He drinks far too much in the evenings and lets Sam tuck him into bed, pulling the blankets up to his chin while he mutters about whatever is bothering him this time. 

In the morning he pretends he isn’t hungover as all hell, and he cooks them breakfast, and he’s happy. For four days. Because Cas had always thought he was a good man. He hears the words in his head over and over. He almost has himself convinced. 

One night he didn’t get a beer from the fridge. He went outside and drove baby to a clearing and he sat there in the dark for hours. When he got back to the bunker, he fell into a fitful sleep. The nightmares reminded him of why he needed the alcohol, and they reminded him of why he didn’t pick up the bottle tonight. 

The change in mood is obvious to everyone. Sam isn’t sure what to say. Dean thinks maybe they should invite Charlie or Bobby or Jody over now that they’re safe. But he can’t stomach a reunion without Cas. He doesn’t cook that night, instead he brings takeout to his room and eats with Miracle. 

Day seven of Cas being gone and Dean feels like he’s hardly still alive. He’s just dragging his body through the mud. He played scrabble with Sam and took Miracle on walks and he prayed to Jack and to Cas. He didn’t ask for him back, because Jack had already said he would be hands off. But he said he missed him. He said he was sorry. He said thank you.

He wondered if it was all for nothing. 

Dean starts seeing Cas only a few days after they save the world. He’s walking on the side of the road and when Dean pulls over frantically and gets out to look for him, Sam has no idea what’s happening. 

He sees him turning the corner of the bunker and it makes Dean drop his plate on the floor. Or he sees him in the doorway and Dean blinks and shakes his head and he’s gone again. He doesn’t tell Sam, because what would he even say? But Sam somehow knows anyway. He puts a comforting hand firmly on Dean’s shoulder, pulling him back to reality.

“He’s not here, Dean.” He whispers. 

Sometimes Dean only swallows hard, and nods firmly, looking away. Sometimes he has to blink away tears. Sometimes Sam doesn’t hesitate to pull him into a hug. 

Cas shows up on their doorstep on a Thursday. Almost two weeks since he died. Dean freezes, dropping the grocery bags on the ground, because he’ll never get over the shock, the hope, the fear, of seeing Cas again. He squeezes his eyes tight and takes a breath. But when he opens them, Cas is still standing there. But Cas isn’t here. He can’t be. He isn’t. It’s a fucking nightmare. A nightmare during the day. 

“Hello, Dean.” the hallucination says. Dean swallows, his breath stuttering painfully. Can hallucinations speak?

“Sam?” Dean whispers. Sam is still getting groceries out of the car. Dean thinks maybe he’s gonna pass out, “Sammy?” He calls again, backing away, Sam comes up behind him, annoyed at the bruised produce Dean had dropped, but then he freezes too. 

Dean can’t breathe. He’s flexing and unflexing his fingers. Dean can’t let himself think that he’s really here. 

“I keep seeing him,” Dean admits in a whisper, sounding horrified. “I see him everywhere.” 

“I’m here, Dean.” Cas says carefully, a sad, guilty look on his face.

“I see him too,” Sam whispers back, and Cas hasn’t made a move to come up to them, but he’s looking a little worried, his head tilted. And oh god, Sam can see him too. That means he’s not a hallucination. He’s real. He’s here. “Cas?” Sam asks hesitantly.

“Sam.” Cas nods.

“You’re not real.” Dean mutters to himself, he realizes he’s shaking.

“I’m very real.” Cas says. “Test me.” He offers and Dean does. 

He does the holy water, the silver, the blood, and Cas doesn’t flinch. He doesn’t burn. He bleeds red and warm and human. Dean looks up at him with wide eyes, and he still thinks maybe he’s not breathing.

“It’s me, Dean.” 

Dean already has Cas wrapped in a bone crushing hug, his hands smoothing over Cas’ back and clutching to his trench coat. Sam is behind them, awkwardly, and Dean pulls away, letting his brother hug Cas too.

“We missed you, man.” Sam says softly and Cas smiles up at him.

“I missed you as well.” 

“How are you here?” Dean asks, he wants to pull Cas into another hug, but he holds back.

“Jack. He gave me a choice. I couldn’t leave the empty as an angel though, so I’m human now. I hope you don’t mind me staying.”

“Of course not,” Dean says immediately and he gives in, tugging Cas back against him and burying his face in the ex-angels shoulder. “I missed you, man.” 

Cas’ hands rub Dean’s back, and Dean lets one of his hands brush through Cas’ hair before he pulls away again. 

“You hungry?” Dean asks and Cas nods, grinning.

***

Dean doesn’t know what to do with himself now that Cas is back with them. Leaving dirty dishes in the sink and his trench coat over the back of chairs. He forgets to put the cap back on the toothpaste and leaves his water glasses in weird places around the bunker. He leaves every fucking cabinet door open and Dean follows him around closing them.

He’s back. He’s here. Dean doesn't know what to do. 

The confession still sits in the back of Dean’s mind, and he aches to do something about it. He’s okay with himself now. He’s comfortable with his sexuality. Breaking down his walls was like trying to knock down a brick building with a plastic fork. And maybe Cas came in with his electric eyes and shadowed wings and obliterated everything Dean had known, but the wall was down now. All he had to do was figure out how to not build it back up.

So he lives in soft touches and casual smiles and the nights when he falls asleep on Cas’ shoulder during movies. He basks in seeing Cas in Dean’s hoodies and handing him coffee in the morning.

It’s been a month since Cas died. Only a week since his return, and Dean hasn’t been able to stop himself from peeking into Cas’ room at night to make sure he’s still here. Sometimes when he wakes up in the night, he pads down the hall to Cas’ door and makes sure he’s still asleep and safe. 

And when he isn’t… Dean practically rips the blankets off of Cas’ bed looking for him. He checks the bathroom, then the kitchen, and he’s almost in full on panic attack mode before he sees the stair light on. 

Dean forgoes a jacket and shoes and steps outside, finding Cas only a little ways away, looking up at the sky. He takes a deep breath, calming himself, before he approaches him. 

“Hello, Dean.” He rumbles sleepily.

“Hey, Cas.” Dean responds. “What are you doin’ out here?”

“I couldn’t sleep. Plus the moon is waning, I wanted to see it before the new moon.”

“Huh. Do you, uh, you mind if I stay?”

“If you’d like.” Cas says. Dean nods and looks at Cas, staring at the sky, before he turns his gaze skywards as well.

They stand quietly for a few minutes, and Dean is kind of ready to go back inside, his socked feet are cold and wet and he’s only in short sleeves. Cas has his trench coat and slippers and Dean’s cotton flannel pants.

“I used to be able to see the entire galaxy,”

“That’s awesome.”

“Yeah, it was.” Cas smiles. He looks at Dean, who’s already looking at him. “I’m glad to be back.” He says.

“I’m glad you’re back too.” He wonders which one of them will mention it first. Cas has already said his piece. It’s Dean’s turn now, and he doesn’t want to fuck it up. He wants to just reach out and kiss him, but Cas deserves more than that. Cas deserves words. He deserves to hear it.

“You aren’t wearing shoes. Or a coat.” Cas says. Dean shifts his weight and shrugs.

“I was in a bit of a rush,” he mutters, sending Cas a stink eye. Cas only tilts his head, “I was worried about you,” Dean admits.

“Why?”

“You weren’t in your bed. Or the kitchen…“ Dean swallows, looking back at the sky. “I was worried.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“It’s okay. Just… just next time leave a note, yeah? Or wake me up or something.”

“I will,” Cas promises. “It’s cold out though, you should head back inside.”

“I’m staying up with you.” Dean refuses, grinning, he bumps Cas with his shoulder and Cas looks back at him fondly.

“Well, then I’ll go inside too.” 

Once they get back inside, Dean makes them hot chocolate, because Cas wants coffee, but it’s past midnight and it would be nice if they could sleep at least another few hours later. Cas seems to like the hot chocolate just as much as coffee though, with his hands cupped around the warm mug and the steam heating his face.

“Cas?” Dean asks, setting his mug down. This is it.

“Yes, Dean?”

“You uh, you know that- that you changed me too, right?” He says. Cas stares back at him, looking surprised and confused. Dean keeps going. “I never believed in anything, until I met you. And I’m not just talking god or angels. I didn’t believe in myself, Cas. You- you saved me so many times. More than just smiting a demon or pulling me out of hell too. I mean it, man.

“And I thought… I thought you knew, and that it was something that we just agreed never to talk about, you know? You- you heard my prayer in purgatory, and you said- you said you knew,” Dean takes a sharp breath, feeling like all his words are stuck in his chest.

“Dean…?” Cas says and Dean thinks he might be tearing up but he doesn’t want to blink and find out.

“You’ve died too many times, Cas. And every time is worse than the last. And then you leave me with… with that? How am I supposed to be okay after that? How am I supposed to- to live knowing that you died because you…” the ‘loved me’ goes unsaid, and he’s definitely crying now, Cas looks like he’s trying not to cry as well. 

“I’m sorry, that was never my intention,”

“I know, Cas. I know. And I’m, fuck. I’m- I’m so grateful, I’d be dead if it weren't for you. I don’t know how I ever deserved you,” Dean sniffs, laughing a watery laugh just to get the emotion out, and his vision is blurry, his hands shake, but he takes the mug of hot chocolate from Cas’ hands and puts it on the counter so he can pull Cas into a hug.

“You’ve always deserved me, Dean. You are a good man.” Cas says into Dean’s shoulder.

“Thanks, Cas.” Deans whispers. Cas moves to pull out of the hug, but Dean isn’t done. He hasn’t said what he needs to say, and if Cas pulls away now he won’t be able to say it, so he holds on tighter and Cas returns it. 

“Dean?” Cas asks, “Are you okay?”

Dean takes a breath and pulls out of Cas’ arms to look him in the eye. 

“I love you,”

“I love you too.” 

Dean leans in slowly and kisses Cas, and it’s just as it always should have been. And so the two of them finish their hot chocolate and Cas follows Dean to his room.

The next morning, Sam and Eileen are at the table when Dean and Cas walk in together, by the smile on his brother’s face, he knows. They aren’t holding hands, but their shoulders are brushing. Dean lets his hand rest between Cas’ shoulder blades while he pours his coffee, and Cas leans into Dean when he reaches around him for the milk. So of course Sam knows. He knows his friend and he knows his brother, and it’s quite obvious, in all the little ways, even if nothing has really changed.

**Author's Note:**

> my list of random prompts and ideas for fics grows every day   
> I have three wips that I fully intend on finishing, I'm about to start another one  
> and I have a writing project that I'm falling behind on
> 
> oddly, this is the best i've felt in a little bit (this is not saying much I probably need therapy)
> 
> Anyway, I'm about to start twist ad shout so wish me luck ig


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